THE GREAT ONE
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "happy_buzz" journal:
[<< Previous 10 entries]
oh my god. if i thought yesterday was long, today was a year long. i never thought the clock could move so slow.
so jt asked me if i wanted to come to his parents house for fourth of july weekend. i think it sounds like fun, but my argument is that if we go down there together, its like painting GIRLFRIEND across my face. not that being jt's girlfriend is a bad thing, but im still having a hard time accepting that im not brad's girl.
it is so confusing... when zach broke up with me, it really hurt. not just to lose him, but also because it hurts anyone when they've been rejected. my heart hurts more now than i thought it could. i left brad because i couldnt see myself with a man for the rest of my life who was so...irresponsible. if you go boozing around town; ok, you have fun, but you drink water, take an aspirin, and get up for work the next morning.(i have done this on only one occasion, and i wasnt scheduled to work that day anyway. it was overtime.)
anyway, my point was i dont want to be stuck in party mode my whole life. and while im trying to put my life in order, i cant be with a man that is going to drag me the other way.
venting done. shower now.
btw... i have received several disturbing e-mails regarding this situation, and yesterday i received a phone call, so its friends only from now on. if any of my friends know anything about this, please call me
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: sweet silence...
i just ate the best meal i've had in awhile. jt made steaks, vegetables, mashed potatoes, and biscuts that we ate with my homemade strawbeery jam...mmmmmmmmmm
work today was so long. the hours dragged.... or maybe its just cause i didnt have jt and kayla there to entertain me. as usual, my phone was dead most of the day...no text messages for tiffany.
i guess tonight i will just relax. only four more days till the weekend...
Current Mood: full
Current Music: Sooner or Later- Breakin Benjamin
how is it that i can post four times in one day and still not really write anything? im soooooooooooooooooooo fuckin boooooooorrrrrreeeeeeeedddddddddd.
Current Mood: moody
Current Music: Break On Through.... -the Doors
im grilling steaks. yummy... i bought some A1 steak marinade, and it tastes yummy.
aaron is sitting in his room, playing final fantasy 7 online, singing along to weird al. what a dork...lol
i spoke to brad a minute ago. he went out to the hill last night, and he had a good time. he said they got kicked out, dont ask me why. knowing brad, that could mean anything. my question though... why didnt he want to do any of that stuff while we were together? im not upset or anything, just that bitter taste of losing my other half. i know we arent supposed to be together, but when i think about him dating other women, it makes my stomach turn. im such a hypocrite. i said we should see other people. i hate hypocrites.
nana and bobpa are here. yea.
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: Weird Al w/ Aaron Bedell... the Musical
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: Fuck Her Gently- Tenacious D
just got back from bob evans. it was sooooooooooooooo yummy.
i have to clean out the closet in my new (old?) room at dads, so i'd better get motivated. its full of random shit and lots of heavy, rolled up carpet. i want to go to the beach.
over and out.
p.s. i got carded at bdo's last night. i've been there and drank there a thousand times before, but dave, the owner, said he has to start crackin down on the young folk, and he's never personally carded me before. i understand, he is just running a business. guess i've gotta get crackin on that i.d. soon
over and out again.
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Blue Monday- Orgy
so... brad is going to take the apartment, and his friend zac is going to take over my part of the lease. the office gave us the paperwork today, and they said it shouldnt be a problem
i feel much better about everything. brad and i talked, and he is going to be okay, too. we agreed to be friends, and we were really open with each other.
im going to live with dad for a month or so, just so i can get on my feet. if anyone hears about a nice apartment in louisvill for a decent price in a good area, let me know.
im exceptionally happy about one thing... i get to keep my Boy! the Boy is the greatest kiity on the planet. i can take him whenever i find a new place.
i better start getting ready... im headed down to bdo's.
Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: Arriving Somewhere but Not Here- Porcupine Tree
i smoke two joints in the mornin'
i smoke two joints at night
i smoke two joints in the afternoon
it makes me feel alright...
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints
and then I smoke two more
Current Mood: high
Current Music: Sublime - Smoke Two Joints
i broke up with brad. i didnt know my heart could hurt so bad when i was the one that left. im listening to jerry and val on the phone, talking that mushy-lovey-romantic bullshit. i remember back when brad and i first got together. i thought about him every minute, and just thinking about him made me smile. why did god bring him into my life and hand my heart to him if it was going to be broken in the end? and why did god place me in his life, knowing full well that he didnt allow anyone to get this close to him?
i never want to bring that much pain to anyone, ever again. i hated myself for bringing tears to his eyes...i hate this
it's 12:35. i cant stop crying. i remember that night, baby. that night you told me that we were real. why couldnt it happen? i'll never be his butterfly again. why cant i just sleep?
ok, so i've calmed down and looked at the situation from an outside angle. and i've decided what needs to be done. im not going to write about it because i dont want anything jinxed. even though this decision will most likely bring me heartache, it has also brought me a strange sense of inner peace that i cant explain.
on a different note, i was afraid i might be fired because of all the gestapo-style terminations i've seen. but i had my evaluation with brian today, and all of my stats improved! he said i was doing a great job. he said if i just pushed back a tiny bit harder, i'd get that incentive. yay for tiff.
i also want to give a shout out to my lovely jpness. it was because of our drunken discussion friday night that i came to the said conclusion. thanx, baby. i love you
Current Mood: good
Current Music: josh groban mix...mmmmm
[<< Previous 10 entries]